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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598613">i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykeacademia/pseuds/dykeacademia'>dykeacademia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood &amp; Manga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>He's So Dumb, I Love He, M/M, ed "am i gay or do i want to kiss ling platonically" elric, ed sees ling and he just BONK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:27:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,866</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykeacademia/pseuds/dykeacademia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ed thinks he's in love with ling, but he's not quite certain. and there's only one way to know for sure.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Elric/Ling Yao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>welcome back to blondie being a dumb bitch pt. 4682! this is just 1.8k of ed being an idiot. enjoy</p><p>title from "pink in the night" by mitski.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>before ling, ed had never looked at another man the way he did. (they were really just boys, really, putting on a coat and pretending they knew how to live, patchwork and cross stitches across their collarbones, holding them together). he was fifteen and a bit of a dreamer, and when he had a moment to leave the weight of the world at the door, he kicked off his shoes and curled up somewhere soft, and he hoped. he wished and he wondered and he thought. boys weren’t something he’d noticed, the same way he hadn’t noticed his mother’s illness or hohenheim’s cautious, wavering love. he hadn’t noticed much, then.</p><p>resembool was a small town, and living without a father didn’t make them popular with the local boys. the elrics had each other, and they had winry and pinako, and that was all they needed. and ed loved winry, of course, but she was the only girl he’d ever known, gotten close enough to count the freckles on her arms and make her favorite cake for her birthday. he could never quite tell if it was romantic or a deep, undying friendship that he felt for her. so he’d kissed her, once, when his hands were sticky with peach juice and she had leaves in her hair, in the shade of an arching tree. and it wasn’t wrong, exactly. she felt like a girl, soft and strong all at once, her blonde hair kissing his shoulders as her skin touched his. but there wasn’t anything special about it. he was a boy, and she was a girl, and he loved her, but not like that.</p><p>winry had giggled and pushed him away, bright peach flesh stuck in between her teeth. “ew!” she’d squealed. “i don’t want your cooties!”</p><p>ed huffed, the moment forgotten like dandelion fuzz, “i don’t have cooties! you do!”</p><p>they’d continued squabbling and had gone back to their day. this was not an important event, something to derail the summer harvest or tell their mother at dinner. ed kissed winry. ed loved winry. ed loved winry in a different way. these were all simple things that ed acknowledged and accepted, stored in the back of his mind and ignored. they were covered in dust and spiderwebs, and sometimes he would take them out. wipe away the dirt and mull them over in his mind. he never thought he would know someone like he knew winry. even though it wasn’t the same as his parents, he knew her. knew her like the back of his hand. he wanted that with someone else. someone he loved like that.</p><p>and then there was ling.</p><p>ling, with his gorgeous smile that made ed feel like he would split into two. the airy trill to his voice, the bright way he spoke, his vowels dancing over his tongue like skipped stones. his dark hair, halfway down his back, the casual yet specific way he tied it back. the way he looked at ed like he was the only one in the room. it felt like electricity, like he was being speared with ling’s sharp glance. (for some reason, ed found he didn’t mind). it was a feeling he would never grow tired of, something both calming and energizing at once. it was alchemy, it was picking tomatoes with his mother, it was long train rides and staring out the window. it was safety and adventure, and he’d chase it to the ends of the earth.</p><p>but he loved winry like this, didn’t he? it was the same feeling, the same sweetness and static and the shaking of his fingertips when ling touched him, even on accident. and just because he wanted ling, to be close to him, to touch him, to feel his skin against his cheeks, to fall asleep in his arms, that wasn’t anything unusual. he felt that with others, with some others that he’d met in his travels. nothing this intense, of course, but it wasn’t strange. he'd known ling the longest, it only made sense that he craved this sense of security, of closeness.</p><p>so when ed kissed him, it was only a logical next step.</p><p>it was a cool winter day, and ling and ed had just gotten back to central. they’d met with al in xing, compared notes on their research, complained about the weather, tried to smuggle animals into their luggage, the usual. the train ride home had been quiet and slow, ling exhausted and asleep on ed’s shoulder. the other boy’s head was heavy, and his arm still ached where his automail used to be, but he didn’t dare move. he would sit like this for the rest of his life, if it meant ling could get the sleep he so desperately needed. ling’s thick hair was soft, loose against his bare skin. it was silky and cool and it drifted like ocean waves whenever he shifted in his sleep. it was mesmerizing. </p><p>when ling woke later, ed brushed him off with a laugh. it wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t an encumbrance, it wasn’t an issue. he still looked sheepish, but ed ruffled his hair with a smile and ling seemed to relax. he never could relax. you saw it in the sharp jolt of his spine, the way he listed and tilted with every noise, like a broken ship in a vicious storm. he calmed, somewhat, when he was surrounded by others that he trusted. like lan fan. or him, he supposed. the idea that he was just as soothing to ling as ling was to him was… strange. good, but different.</p><p>ling was still a bit sleepy as they walked off the train, but the lightly falling snow brought him back. the other boy shivered until ed sighed and gave ling his coat. he was used to winter in amestris by now. the city might have been cool and settling down for the right, but ed was full of energy, full of something, and it wouldn’t stop thrumming through his body like a heartbeat. ling was saying something, telling ed a story about mei, perhaps? his hair was loose from his nap, and the cool wind flung it around. a few snowflakes fell, glimmering in the thick strands, dancing in the crisp air. ling was smiling and laughing, shadows under his eyes, but still bright and cheery. he flung his arms as he was walking and talking, his voice rising in a crescendo, and all ed could think was, “oh.”</p><p>this wasn’t friendship. ling wasn’t winry. this was something else. and it filled his veins like the sip he’d stolen of his father’s liquor. warm and sharp, and it scorched the cold wind around him. </p><p>ling was still talking. ed dropped the bags. he kissed him.</p><p>it was a dream come alive.</p><p>ling tasted like bitter tea, lavender and tannins tracing the inside of his teeth. his mouth was soft (god it was soft), and ed melted against it. snowflakes burned his skin as he placed a gentle hand against ling’s cheek, his fingers trembling. ling smiled against the kiss, and he wrapped his arms around ed’s shoulders, pulling him closer. ed had forgotten how to breathe, but the subtle press of ling’s nose against his made it all worth the while. he dissolved against the other boy, the chill wrapping around them and pulling them close. it felt safe, and warm, and comforting, to be in someone else’s arms. in ling’s arms. this was what it was supposed to feel like. this was it. this was the feeling he was chasing, and it was here, and he finally had it.</p><p>ling pulled away, a small smile on his lips. “pardon me, edward, but i do need to breathe. if you don’t mind?”</p><p>his mind was blank. “right, yeah, no, of course,” he stammered. “take your time.”</p><p>ling was smirking now, and he grabbed the bags, with a free arm to wrap loosely around ed’s waist. “you could’ve just said something, you know. i was dropping hints for a solid six months.”</p><p>“you… what?” ed couldn’t comprehend, couldn’t process whatever in god’s holy name was going on.</p><p>“yes, ed. i’m gay. did i not mention this before?”</p><p>ed shook his head fervently. “not at all.”</p><p>“well! they do say kisses are worth a thousand words.” ling was smiling, something bright but a bit nervous. this was just as nerve-wracking for him as it was for ed, he realized dully. but it was comforting, that they were both so awkward at… this. they’d figure it out together.</p><p>with a weak snort, he argued, “i think the saying is pictures.”</p><p>ling sighed dramatically. “semantics. now, let’s go back to the hotel, or i’m gonna get frostbite.” he switched his position so his hand was now clasped tightly around ed’s, and pulled him along.</p><p>ed quite liked it, being touched. being kissed. being held. he thought he could get used to this. but something was wriggling, something deep and anxious under his skin. pulling as much oxygen out of the air as he could with a thick, shaking breath, he asked, “doyouwannabemyboyfriend?”</p><p>“i didn’t quite catch some of that,” ling laughed, his hand a warm, steadying force. “or to be fair, all of that. say it again, more slowly, for us simpletons?”</p><p>ed felt like something was blocking his airway. his face was bright red, the snow evaporating when it touched his cheeks. “do you… maybe… want to be my boyfriend?”</p><p>the other boy stopped and let go, luggage dropping to the wet earth. he turned to face ed, his gentle face wide with shock. “do i want to be your boyfriend?” ling repeated, the words falling off his tongue slowly and deliberately, as if he was testing to see how they tasted.</p><p>ed looked at the ground, fidgeting with the sleeve of his coat. he felt sick. “forget it, forget i even asked.”</p><p>“edward,” ling said softly, placing his hand on top of ed’s, “of course i want to be your boyfriend.”</p><p>“then why'd you say it like that, you confusing dipshit?”</p><p>ling laughed, a lovely tune. “i apologize, really. i was just… shocked, i guess? i never really expected that you were gay too, or that you'd like me back.”</p><p>“i'm bisexual,” ed corrected him gently, “but yeah, of course i do. you're… you.”</p><p>a soft chuckle. “very eloquent.”</p><p>“yeah, yeah,” ed said dismissively, “now come on. boyfriend or not, i'm not dying in the snow because you were too busy being lovey-dovey.”</p><p>ling scoffed, but as he and ed grabbed the luggage, his hand found ed’s and they continued back to the apartment in a sweet silence.</p><p>this seemed like it was love, maybe. a feeling of peace and comfort being next to someone, without having to pretend or say a single word. they knew each other so well already, but ed wanted more. he wanted to know everything about ling. like he knew winry, and like he knew al. these were all different kinds of love, but love all the same. maybe ling wanted to know him just the same way.</p><p>or maybe he already did.</p>
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